Robert Pires

It was no secret that French star Robert Pires was in talks in joining the Philadelphia Worms. A month ago, MLS's official site boldly proclaimed, "[Peter] Nowak confirms contact with French star Pires". Nowak, the Worms' coach, was quoted, "I think that left and right, there was confirmation from both sides, there is no secret there. I believe that with players like that, who have such great pedigree and such a great background, they can be such a great role model for our young players."

So yadda yadda yadda, Worms fans already penciled Pires into their starting lineup. Until this week, that is, when the French star flatly rejected Philly. And the way he did it... well, we'll let him speak for himself, as told to France's L'Equipe.

"I do not want to be difficult, but left to take my family away, I'd rather do it in a beautiful city."

Wait, wait, there's more. When asked about Thierry Henry joining New York, Pires said, "I wish him to go there. That is a beautiful city."

Glorious.

Our favorite ex-GM, Philly head man Nick Sakiewicz, sounded like a bitter teenage girl after being spurned by a potential lover. "A, He's never been here and B, we never made him an official offer. Look, I think Robert is a good player with a lot of experience and a lot of good football left in him, but he may just not have been for us; and obviously, given his comments, he clearly is not for us."

So let us get this straight: your own coach all but salivated over Pires a month ago, and now... "He may just not have been for us"? Really?

Sakiewicz goes on, "maybe Pires doesn't know that, according to the 2008 population figures, Philadelphia is the sixth-largest city in the country. Or that some of its suburban towns rival hotspots such as Beverly Hills and the Hamptons."

Thank you, Robert Pires, for putting Philadelphia in its proper place. Truer words have never been spoken. And thank you, Nick Sakiewicz. It's wonderful that you can still make us laugh.