Last-second PK salvages tie against tenants, 1:1
September 22, 2021

New York NY ''City''
Klimala Castellanos
09.22.21 · League

Apologies to those who come here to read our usually-enthralling summary of the entire game! Tonight, we made a rational choice. We listened to our own advice. For the first time in who knows how many years, we chose not to watch Metro. Oh, sure, they just came off the best game of the season, but that must have been a mirage. The potential for horror in this game was just too much, and if Metro won, well, what would have been the point? The mountain to rescue this season is just too tall to climb.

We wouldn't shut off ourselves completely, of course. We'd check the score from time to time, just, you know, for sanity.

It sure looked like the right decision. In the 31st minute, the tenants opened the scoring, and that stayed the score until the 90th minute. But the blue poseurs got a straight red in the 73rd, so, when we turned on the television as injury time began... we had to watch.

What did we see? We saw eight minutes of injury time that was slowly, miserably chewed up by the poseurs, using every trick in the book to avoid playing actual soccer. We saw Metro try to push forward to no avail. We saw a handball in the box... Wait, WE SAW A HANDBALL IN THE BOX!

Unfortunately, the usually-incompetent Ismail Elfath did not see it. And yet, it was so obvious: not once, but twice did Maxime Chanot's extended arm slapped the ball in the box. So we waited, and waited, as the booth looked and looked. Then Elfath trotted to the monitor and looked some more. After all of that, a penalty was given.

And then the heart started racing. Oh, how we wish we could put this team aside! How we wish to stop worrying and just go on with our lives, and not care about this wasted season! Yet here we were, the ball on the spot, twelve minutes into injury time, and Patryk Klimala with a chance to tie it.

And tie he did, as Sean Johnson flinched to his right, so Klimala slotted it to the goalkeeper's left, and that was that. Was it euphoria? Not exactly. Joy? A little bit. Relief? A lot of relief.

Metro, if only we could quit you!

Lineup: Coronel, Tolkin, Nealis, Reyes, Edwards, Davis, Casseres, Fernandez, Carmona, Fabio, Klimala. Subs: Gutman, Yearwood, Duncan, Clark, Amaya.

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