Have you heard about the one about a New York soccer team signing a Designated Player? A highly skilled, world known name? Oh, you have, haven't you? Too bad it's not happening at Red Bull New York.

No, here we are waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Waiting for what, exactly? Waiting for "the right player" to come along!

Let's quote loquacious GM Ali Curtis, as told to BigAppleSoccer on May 1.

"What I would say is, I've always said that we want to do is find players who fit our style of play, our culture and the environment that we have at the club. That philosophy will continue so that's type of player that we want. In terms of the specific player, the specific situation, it's case specific. [...] We've got some targets, we've got some names, we have good relationships. If the right player is there and it makes some sense, we'll make some move."

Targets! Names! Good relationships! This is bound to result in something!

Or, you know, not.

As it has become abundantly clear, Red Bull is not spending a dime to improve this team. As consecutive losses are piling up, Curtis is sitting twiddling his thumbs. There is nothing in those thumbs, Ali! Pick up the phone! Exploit those "good relationships!"

Here's the thing, though. That "right player" is just not there. For even if he existed, would he want to fit our UNDERWHELMING style of play, our LOSING culture and our TOXIC environment?

Your move, Ali.